Social anxiety: The hidden habits that make it worse – and how you can break them

Social anxiety: The hidden habits that make it worse – and how you can break them

Mary, now 25, describes her experience with social anxiety as almost an out-of-body sensation. When meeting new people, she would feel a surge of heat in her face and tingling in her hands. “I’d almost feel myself separating from my body. I forgot how to form words,” she recalls. Following social interactions, Mary often felt overwhelmed by shame, convinced that she was fundamentally flawed.

Neil Greening, chairman of the Social Anxiety Alliance UK, explains that this reaction is common among individuals with social anxiety. He notes that many people mistakenly believe they have a personality flaw, instead of recognizing social anxiety as a treatable condition. Greening emphasizes that feeling shy or anxious in new situations is normal, but social anxiety becomes a problem when it prevents people from participating in everyday activities. For those with a clinical diagnosis, like Mary, the condition can be severely disabling.

Greening adds that admitting to social anxiety can be difficult in a society that values extroversion and confidence. As a result, many people conceal their anxiety or rely on safety behaviors to cope. He observes signs such as avoiding conversation, giving brief replies, playing with phones to distract from interaction, staying near familiar people or on the periphery of groups, and sticking to safe topics like work. Greening also suggests that social anxiety may be worsening, partly due to increased smartphone use and remote work, which reduce real-world social contact and elevate anxiety levels.

Mary has made progress in managing her social anxiety, especially after completing her undergraduate studies and receiving NHS-supported cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), a gold-standard treatment that helps individuals rethink negative patterns and alter behaviors. Professor David Clark from the University of Oxford encourages more people to seek therapy but also advises practical strategies for self-help. Key steps include shifting focus away from oneself during interactions—avoiding constant self-monitoring—and testing fears by engaging in social behaviors to observe actual outcomes. Clark highlights the importance of abandoning safety behaviors such as rehearsing conversations or avoiding eye contact, as well as steering clear of dwelling excessively on social encounters afterward. Mary relates to this final point, recalling how she used to ruminate endlessly over social situations. She describes her journey as gradual, noting that therapy and a supportive friend’s encouragement inspired her to participate more actively in social settings, including joining an astronomy group despite ongoing challenges

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