What death doulas can teach us about dying

What death doulas can teach us about dying

Rita Ball finds profound meaning in being present at the final moments of a person’s life, describing the experience as “absolutely raw” as she witnesses the transition from life to death. Over the past three years, she has served as a trained “death doula” in London, offering non-medical companionship and emotional support to families and volunteering in NHS care homes. Many people inquire about what they are permitted to do when their loved ones are dying, and Ball provides reassurance that it is entirely acceptable to hold, kiss, or speak to the person, and even play music.

While doulas are often associated with assisting mothers through pregnancy and childbirth, there has been a growing trend in the last decade for end-of-life doulas, sometimes called soul midwives. Emma Clare, chief executive of End of Life Doula UK, notes that 114 new doulas joined her organization in 2025, marking a significant rise compared to earlier years. The profile of this role has been raised recently, as celebrities such as Nicole Kidman and Ruby Wax have announced their plans to train as end-of-life doulas. Additionally, Davina McCall has expressed an intention to take up the practice once she retires.

End-of-life doulas provide comfort not only during a person’s final days but also after death, supporting the bereaved and organizing memorial activities. Ball reflects on the heavy silence that descends after someone passes away and how doulas can help by staying with the family and recounting those final moments. Fees for doula services vary depending on training levels, ranging from £25 to £45 per hour, though some doulas offer their time without charge. One such example is Fanny Behrens from Devon, who reached out to doula Sarah Parker months before her husband passed away from cancer. Behrens recounts how valuable it was to have someone outside her family who simply allowed her to express grief and helped with practical matters like funeral arrangements and navigating official processes.

Emma Clare and other doulas observe that modern society has largely lost its understanding of “ordinary death,” often shaped only by dramatic media portrayals or sudden losses. By educating families about the physical reality of dying, including changes in breathing and body temperature or phenomena like the death rattle, doulas help diminish fear and enable people to spend their remaining time together more peacefully. Krista Hughes, a soul midwife working with a cancer charity, highlights the importance of developing a close bond with the dying person to honor their wishes. Hughes shares an instance where she created a soothing imaginary garden filled with sensory reminders for a patient unable to die in their preferred outdoor setting.

Experts in the field acknowledge that end-of-life care must adapt to changing patterns, as more individuals now live longer with chronic illnesses rather than dying quickly from infections or accidents. Marian Krawczyk, a researcher and founder of the End-of-Life Doula International Research group, points out that people today expect to have more control over their dying process. However, the lack of regulation and formal training for death doulas in the UK adds complexity. Opinions differ on whether doulas should become part of the official healthcare system or remain an independent resource. Concerns about cost and the potential for exploitation of vulnerable people also persist. Nonetheless, Krawczyk emphasizes that “appropriate end-of-life care” often depends on geographic location, and doulas can help bridge these gaps.

Dr Paul Perkins, chief medical director at the palliative care charity Sue Ryder, stresses that navigating healthcare services can be particularly challenging for patients faced with serious diagnoses. He advocates for support that enables those nearing the end of life to maintain the highest possible quality of life and cherish moments with those they hold dear. End-of-life doulas, with their compassionate presence and practical guidance, can play a valuable role alongside medical care in helping individuals and families through this profound passage

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