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Lying is a common behavior that ranges from harmless social fibs to more serious acts of deception. Many people engage in it regularly, often without reflecting on their motivations. The BBC series *The Traitors* revolves around contestants who are rewarded for convincing others to accept false narratives, with much of the suspense driven by the ability to control what others believe. However, outside of television, most individuals are reluctant to see themselves as akin to the show’s deceivers since they tend to view “liars as bad people,” explains Kimberley Wilson, a chartered psychologist and host of the BBC’s *Complex* podcast. This mindset leads many to underestimate just how frequently they bend the truth, often overlooking their own dishonesty.
Examples of everyday lying range from small falsehoods like telling a housemate that one was too busy to clean, to more damaging lies such as pretending to work late to hide an affair. One individual recounted having told their partner that a work conference, which lasted two days, was in York rather than New York, and then staying an extra week for personal respite. Psychotherapist Dr Charlotte Cooper notes that such falsehoods can sometimes indicate deeper issues within relationships. “What I’m hearing in that story is the difficulty of being honest. I wonder what’s going on that certain things can’t be said,” she comments. She describes lying as “telling a story with the intention to deceive people,” emphasizing that this manipulates reality in a profound way, often causing harm.
Beyond the dramatic portrayals in *The Traitors*, Dr Cooper warns that habitual lying can result in anxiety, isolation, and emotional disconnection. Unlike the entertaining consequences on television, the fallout in daily life accumulates and tends to be detrimental. Research analyzing approximately 100,000 lies indicates that roughly 20% are aimed at managing social interactions, such as avoiding plans or smoothing over awkward moments. On average, people tell one or two minor lies each day. While occasional lying might seem practical, it becomes a “risky tactic” over time, as the potential for being caught increases. This ongoing risk changes the way we relate to one another, often leading to conversations that are shallow and guarded. As Dr Cooper explains, “Lying is really lonely… You are creating a solo reality and you are out on a little planet by yourself.”
When considering whether lying can ever be acceptable, Dr Cooper acknowledges it depends on the context and the individual involved. Not all lies cause harm; some serve to protect psychological well-being or personal safety. She points out that children frequently lie instinctively to avoid punishment, and adults may lie automatically in moments of panic. Lies exist on a spectrum, ranging from mild omissions that are generally forgivable to more serious deceptions. While some mid-range lies can be repaired with understanding and kindness, prolonged deceit—such as long-term affairs—carries significant and lasting damage. To reduce reliance on falsehoods, Dr Cooper recommends approaching oneself gently, practicing self-forgiveness, and striving toward honesty. Instead of inventing excuses, one can communicate selectively truthful statements. For instance, politely declining a street fundraiser with “That’s not for me today,” or turning down a social invitation with “I don’t want to come to the party tonight, but let’s catch up another time,” can maintain integrity without being harsh. With practice, she assures, being truthful becomes easier, reflecting not just fear of exposure but “the kind of person you want to be.”
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