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Many adults desire romantic partnerships, but for individuals with learning disabilities, establishing and maintaining such relationships is frequently much more challenging, sometimes nearly impossible. Even when they find a partner, practical obstacles often arise, and they can face social judgment. One parent recalled how people would tut disapprovingly upon seeing her son holding his girlfriend’s hand in public. There is growing advocacy for enhanced support to help people with learning disabilities form and sustain romantic relationships like anyone else. The Welsh government has stated that the lived experiences of people with learning disabilities significantly influence its policy and strategy decisions.
Michael Gallagher, 38, who has Down’s syndrome, has been in a long-term relationship with Alison Williams, 42, who also has Down’s syndrome. Their mothers, Dot Gallagher and Ann Williams, assist them in getting together and support weekend trips. Dot described the difficulties they face, especially the need to rely on others to facilitate their desires from the start. Prejudice remains a significant obstacle, with some members of the public seemingly believing that people with learning disabilities should not engage in romantic relationships. Dot said, “We see people tut when they hold hands or kiss in public.” Michael and Alison have become cautious about showing affection in public to avoid being stared at or laughed at.
Their relationship, which has lasted nearly two decades, includes shared activities such as dancing, watching television, taking walks, and spending weekends away. Michael expressed his feelings plainly: “Alison is my girlfriend and I love her. I support United and she supports Liverpool but we don’t argue about it.” Despite their happy relationship, the wider social and systemic barriers they encounter remain challenging.
Campaigners like Claire Bates, who founded Supported Loving in 2017, highlight that many individuals with learning disabilities want romantic relationships but face significant hurdles. Bates pointed out practical challenges like transportation and limited support hours, emphasizing that relationships are not sufficiently prioritized in social care. She explained that there is still widespread disapproval and taboo surrounding sexual relationships for people with learning disabilities. While specialist dating agencies have existed in England, none are known in Wales. Attempts at dating apps tailored to this community have failed due to cost and resource issues needed to vet users properly. Staff supporting people with learning disabilities often feel uneasy helping with sexual relationships, partly because no mandatory training exists on the subject.
Currently, although care inspections assess the provision of support for safe and healthy relationships in care settings, there is no legal requirement to assist people with learning disabilities in fostering romantic or intimate relationships. Dr. Bates argued that improved legislation is necessary to mandate training for staff, stating, “It has to be seen as important and if it’s not prioritised, things won’t change.”
Research by Mencap Cymru revealed that 78% of respondents with learning disabilities were not in romantic relationships, compared to 65% in the wider population. Wayne Crocker, director of Mencap Cymru, highlighted the need for support to enable people with learning disabilities to start and maintain relationships, noting barriers such as the closure of social groups and poor transport links. He remarked, “People need the opportunity to get out, to clubs, to discos, to meet their friends and then that will hopefully lead on to romantic relationships.” Wayne also pointed out a significant decline in available groups over the past 20 years, from 130 to around 20 in Wales, signaling a drastic reduction in support infrastructure.
Wayne emphasized that the development of policies should focus on helping people with learning disabilities engage with their communities and create meaningful friendships and romantic connections. Public perception remains a considerable challenge, with a persistent lack of understanding about learning disabilities. He stressed, “Having a relationship is a right we all have and as a society we have to accept that people with a learning disability need to be supported to have friendships and have romantic relationships.”
The Welsh government affirmed its commitment to recognizing and addressing the specific health and care needs of individuals with learning disabilities. A spokesperson said, “Through our ministerial advisory group, we hear directly from service users, carers and organisations that support people with learning disabilities to ensure lived experiences directly shape our policy and strategy development.”
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