Kirat Assi, a Punjabi woman from west London, fell victim to a catfishing scheme in 2009 which lasted for nearly nine years. It began when she received a friend request from Bobby, whom she recognised as someone from her Sikh community. They developed an online relationship but never met, despite increasingly elaborate excuses from Bobby. Kirat only discovered the truth when she met Bobby in person and found that the person she had been messaging was her female cousin, Simran. The experience has left Kirat questioning why her cousin undertook such a campaign against her and has prompted her to speak out about the need to tackle stigmas surrounding vulnerability in South Asian communities.
Kirat’s story featured on a podcast by Tortoise in 2021 and has recently been the subject of a Netflix documentary. Speaking to the BBC, Kirat said that telling her story has prompted others to ask how someone could fall for such a scheme, but has also attracted negative comments from some online. She has responded by challenging stigmas in her community and calling for an end to the victim mentality, emphasising that she has chosen to speak out in order to encourage others to do the same.
Kirat’s catfishing story has also highlighted the reluctance of some South Asian communities to discuss sensitive issues, with some victims suffering in silence due to the fear of how they might be perceived by others. Kirat’s own experience has prompted her to examine the values she was brought up with which put pressure on her to put her community’s concerns ahead of her own. She has rebuilt her life and career and is determined to move on, but would like her cousin to be held accountable for what she did.
Kirat’s story is a cautionary tale about the importance of maintaining vigilance when communicating with others online, but it also highlights the need for greater openness about the impact of catfishing and other forms of online abuse. By speaking out about her experience, Kirat has challenged the stigma surrounding such issues in her community and encouraged others to do the same, helping to ensure that vulnerable people are not left to suffer in silence
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