Red flags and telling-offs: Married at First Sight counselling 'nothing like the real thing'


Eight couples have taken part in Channel 4’s Married at First Sight, a social experiment where complete strangers meet each other for the first time at the altar. After their honeymoons, the couples are adjusting to married life, residing together in small London apartments. Helping the couples navigate the trials and tribulations of marriage are the show’s three matchmaking experts, Paul Brunson, Mel Schilling, and Charlene Douglas. Most couples rely heavily on the advice from the experts, but how similar is what we see on TV to the therapy that happens in a real counselling room?

The format of the show is somewhat like group therapy, as couples discuss their relationships with the experts in front of everyone at the commitment ceremonies. The ceremonies are filmed across a full day, meaning the couples get more time with the experts than is seen in the condensed one hour of television. During the ceremony, it’s not uncommon for the other participants to express their opinions which is a key difference to counselling, where people are told to be respectful.

The couples live in the same complex, meaning they often confide in each other about their relationships. In response, a US-based psychiatrist, Dr Sham Singh, says “external support may be well-meant, but too many voices can be confusing”. Qualified therapists challenge behaviours but don’t scold their clients, which is a recent phenomenon in reality TV, concerning the experts with their vulnerable candidates.

When it comes to physical attraction, therapist Dr Olivia Lee indicates that small acts of kindness, open dialogue, and intentional time together foster open communication, address conflict and explore emotional needs. Mel’s intervention with Caspar definitely seems to have helped the couple, but Dr Lee cautions that the advice the experts hand out is often too short-term for it to have a long-lasting impact. Whilst the experts are well-intentioned, it’s good to remember that the primary focus of the show is entertainment, and what the experts say shouldn’t be considered sound therapeutic advice.

Ultimately, advice from a qualified counsellor is more likely to assist a struggling marriage than the opinions of matchmakers but, in the context of a reality TV show, the experts strike a balance between being helpful and entertaining

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