Rhian Elizabeth, a 36-year-old author from Cardiff, has opened up about the guilt she feels as her 16-year-old daughter prepares to leave home. Elizabeth says she is wracked with remorse at not being more present and engaged as a parent when her daughter was young. She reflects that she never really enjoyed being a mother as a teenager and that she even resented having a child at times. Elizabeth, who will soon be a Hay Festival writer at work and writer in residence at the Coracle International Literary Festival in Sweden, as well as studying at night school to be a counsellor, has written a collection of poems called “girls etc” that deal with her emotions surrounding motherhood.
Elizabeth has described the book as an “attempt at an apology” to both her daughter and herself, and in one enitled ‘If we could just go back I’d push you higher’, she recalls feeling unable to engage properly with her young daughter, half-heartedly pushing her on the swings and “playing at being a mother the way you played with your dolls”. Although Elizabeth has been successful as a writer, the guilt she feels about the way she raised her child is so overwhelming that she wishes she could start over again. Despite these feelings, she says that she both loves and is proud of her daughter, whose success has not been hindered by her mother’s fears.
Elizabeth’s guilty feelings are not uncommon among parents, with Sue Atkins, a parenting author and broadcaster, believing that feelings of guilt and inadequacy are common among both mothers and fathers. Atkins also suggests that these insecurities can be viewed as a symptom of external pressures rather than a reflection of poor parenting, and that it is impossible to be a perfect parent. Despite this, the guilt many parents feel can be difficult to overcome.
Elizabeth’s book “girls etc” is her most personal work and reflects on her experiences of being a teenage mum with a young daughter, as well as on her own growth and personal relationships. She has been hesitant to show her work to friends and family but hopes that her daughter will one day read the poems. In spite of Elizabeth’s guilt, she has achieved success as a writer in adulthood and her daughter is about to leave home for university
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