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Shannon, a mother of four from New Jersey, spent several years discovering that her straightforward style of parenting—telling her teenagers, “I’m your parent and I’m asking you a question and you are going to answer me”—was not effective. She often found herself feeling frustrated when her children pushed back, sometimes accusing her of not respecting their boundaries.
Samuel highlights the importance of being selective both in timing and tone when speaking with teenagers, which can encourage more open communication. Instead of direct questioning, she recommends sharing personal experiences that relate to the topic at hand, so the conversation doesn’t feel like an interrogation.
“You could bring up a subject about yourself at school or something that’s related… so it isn’t kind of pointing a finger at them,” Samuel advises. Shannon has observed that when she steps back and stops pressing her children continuously, they tend to approach her voluntarily. “I’ve noticed when I do back off they will then come to me later to say, ‘Hey, guess what? I got a 95 on that Spanish test’… You don’t have to ask them for three days straight about something.”
Carla, another parent, appreciates the open relationship she has with her teenagers, believing it allows for honest discussions even if she sometimes struggles to fully understand the language they use. “We are close and I think that’s why sometimes they think that they can use these [therapy] words, as if they’re talking to a friend.
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