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Sophia, a 24-year-old content creator and waitress from Leeds, has been in what she describes as a loving relationship for over a year. Yet despite this, she constantly wrestles with doubts about her compatibility with her boyfriend, whether she truly loves him, and what decisions she should make moving forward. Her experience highlights the challenges of living with relationship OCD (ROCD), a type of obsessive compulsive disorder that goes beyond typical uncertainties many couples face. Sophia shares, “I couldn’t leave the house because I was so worried I would cheat on my boyfriend,” demonstrating how intensely ROCD can affect daily functioning. At its worst, she found herself unable to work and spent whole days in bed, repeatedly asking ChatGPT for reassurance.
Relationship OCD involves intrusive, persistent doubts about one’s feelings or about perceived flaws in a partner, which often results in compulsive behaviors aimed at seeking reassurance. Unlike the fleeting uncertainty common in many relationships, these thoughts consume significant mental energy and generate considerable anxiety. Professor David Veale, a consultant psychiatrist at the South London and Maudsley NHS Trust, explains, “It can take hours of mental energy and cause a lot of anxiety, whereas in a normal relationship these thoughts don’t dominate your day.” Sophia describes the experience as “mental torture,” elaborating, “Having a voice in your head constantly nitpicking at your relationship and having all of these horrible thoughts against your partner; it’s heartbreaking.”
ROCD symptoms commonly fit into two groups: relationship-centred doubts concerning one’s own feelings, and partner-focused worries that concentrate on potential partner flaws. While most prevalent in romantic partnerships, these symptoms can also emerge in other relationship types. Major life changes, such as becoming official, cohabiting, or marriage, often act as triggers. Sophia’s personal history with OCD initially involved germ-avoidance and health worries, leading to compulsive handwashing more than 30 times a day. The shift occurred after meeting her boyfriend on Valentine’s Day; although she enjoyed their initial time together, as their relationship deepened about a month later, her OCD “latched” onto it, causing her to “completely shut down.” Even minor dislikes, like her boyfriend’s clothing choices or hairstyles, sparked doubts. “My brain would be shouting at me to break up with him, even though I knew that’s not what I wanted to do,” she recounts.
Experts believe certain factors make some individuals more susceptible to ROCD, including childhood relationship experiences and tendencies toward perfectionism or overthinking. Additionally, social media contributes new pressures, romanticizing idealized love and prompting unhealthy comparisons. Professor Doron notes, “Social media can definitely be triggering for people with ROCD because it romanticises love and can make them doubt their own relationship.” Sophia agrees, stating, “Seeing perfect-looking couples online creates an expectation, when real relationships are not perfect.” Similarly, Gracie, a mental health charity worker from Bristol who has managed ROCD for seven years, points out that it is not the images of happy couples that trouble her, but rather the idealized sayings like “when you know, you know.” She reflects, “We can be having a nice time, but in my head I’ll be freaking out wondering about if he’s the one – it’s exhausting” and remarks on the pressure to feel completely certain about a partner.
Both Sophia and Gracie emphasize that ROCD does not imply a lack of love. Gracie explains, “It’s the opposite. OCD often targets the thing that matters the most to a person. It can make you feel hopeless and like an awful person.” Managing ROCD often involves trying different medications and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), alongside self-education through online resources. The charity OCD Action stresses the importance of seeking help, advising individuals to discuss intrusive thoughts with their GP as a crucial first step. Professor Doron also advises against behaviors like testing a partner to seek reassurance—actions that only perpetuate ROCD—and suggests limiting the use of social media or dating apps to avoid reinforcing doubts through comparison
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