I'm always disappointed – Why you should stop being a perfectionist

I'm always disappointed – Why you should stop being a perfectionist

Perfectionism often enjoys a positive reputation, frequently cited in job interviews as a way to transform the classic question about weaknesses into a kind of modest pride. For many individuals, striving for perfection is about pursuing excellence and dedicating themselves to achieving the highest possible standards. Yet, this same drive can paradoxically become a significant barrier, preventing people from progressing or feeling satisfied with their efforts.

Aswan, a 25-year-old, shares her ongoing struggle with perfectionism, acknowledging its elusive nature despite her relentless pursuit. She reveals the constant pressure she feels in her job, worried that any mistake could lead to losing her employment, even though logically she knows this isn’t the case. This type of anxious mindset around failure is common among perfectionists, according to health psychologist Dr. Sula Windgassen. On the BBC Sounds podcast Complex, Dr. Windgassen explains how poor self-esteem and the fear of failure often accompany perfectionist tendencies. This anxiety frequently results in procrastination, as illustrated by Aswan’s experience with her driving theory test; the pressure to pass on the first try was so intense that after narrowly failing, she never attempted it again, almost four years later. Perfectionism can stem from personality traits, but it is also shaped by one’s upbringing, school, and parental expectations, which establish early ideas of what is “good enough.”

While perfectionism itself is not a clinical disorder, its impact shouldn’t be underestimated. The emotional strain can lead to anxiety, exhaustion, and even physical symptoms linked to stress, such as a weakened immune response. Experts, however, believe it is possible to disrupt this harmful cycle. Dr. Windgassen recommends a psychological technique known as a behavioural experiment. This approach involves identifying fears about imperfect outcomes, writing down those predictions, and then testing them out in real life to see if the consequences match the expected worst-case scenario. Often, this leads to surprising and positive realizations, such as feeling more rested by going to bed earlier, which wouldn’t have happened if perfectionism hadn’t been challenged.

Dayna, a 26-year-old who now considers herself a former perfectionist, reflects on the negative impact her previous mindset had on her wellbeing. Having once prioritized flawless results above everything else, she feared repeating that pattern. Dayna found relief through journaling and consuming self-help literature, allowing her to develop self-awareness and coping strategies. She came to understand that perfectionism is not a virtue worth sacrificing one’s health for. The relentless self-criticism she once battled eventually led her to burnout, accompanied by chronic anxiety and stress. Today, Dayna describes herself as content with simply doing her best and accepting that outcomes don’t have to be perfect to be “more than good enough.”

Perfectionism isn’t entirely detrimental; a subtype called perfectionistic striving can motivate people to set ambitious yet adaptable goals, often resulting in more positive experiences. For instance, athletes might pursue challenging targets but modify their efforts when facing setbacks like injury. Nonetheless, a study published in July 2025 by the British Psychological Society found that setting excessively high goals often results in long hours with only minimal improvements in performance. Dr. Windgassen acknowledges that confronting perfectionist behaviors can be uncomfortable but emphasizes that this discomfort is an essential part of the growth process, not a reason to avoid it. “That’s not a sign that you shouldn’t do it – it’s a sign that you should,” she concludes

Read the full article from The BBC here: Read More