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It is quite common for parents to have mixed feelings about the friends their children bring home. Whether it’s due to the friend’s attitude, behavior, or simply a gut feeling that they are not a good influence, these situations can be challenging. Often, the friend may be rude, overly confident, or even help themselves to snacks without permission. In some cases, the concern goes beyond minor irritations, and parents might worry that the presence of the friend encourages negative behaviors in their child.
Simply forbidding your child from seeing a particular friend usually does not resolve the issue. Parenting expert Sue Atkins and comedian and mother of four, Ria Lina, suggest several thoughtful strategies that can help parents navigate these situations without creating distance between themselves and their children. Their advice centers around understanding your own feelings, engaging in open conversations, and gently broadening your child’s social circle.
The first step is to carefully consider the reason behind your dislike. Ask yourself if your concerns are based on serious matters such as bullying, disrespect, or dangerous conduct, or if it is more about a personal dislike or a clash in values. Atkins encourages parents to do a self-assessment to distinguish between behaviors that are truly harmful and those that are simply irritating. For harmful behaviors, parents need to be clear and firm in their response. However, in cases related to manners or minor infractions, Lina recommends modeling the behavior you wish to see. For instance, Lina enforces certain standards when children are in her care, such as no putting feet on bus seats, and expects other children to respect these rules as well. She explains that differences in parenting values, such as disallowing toy guns at home, can sometimes create tension but may be addressed through open conversations with other parents.
When it comes to handling the friendship itself, a direct ban is not advisable. Atkins warns that forbidding a friendship without discussion can backfire, sometimes causing your child to bond more strongly with the friend out of defiance. Instead, she suggests having a calm, respectful talk with your child about why you have concerns. Ask your child what draws them to that friend and what activities they enjoy together. Listening without judgment helps build trust and encourages open communication. Lina highlights the importance of making it clear to your child that your objection is focused on specific behaviors and not on the friend themselves. This approach draws boundaries without shutting down the possibility of friendship.
If you remain uneasy about a particular friendship, another effective strategy is to help your child meet new people by subtly broadening their social experiences. Atkins recommends inviting other children, such as cousins, over or encouraging participation in extracurricular activities like sports or after-school clubs. It is also helpful to recognize that friendships often evolve over time and that some may be temporary. Sometimes a child’s friendship is just a phase, lasting only through a holiday or a brief period of rebellion. Throughout, parents can set a positive example by discussing their own healthy relationships, showing what respect, kindness, and good boundaries look like. This modeling encourages children to develop friendships that reflect these values
Read the full article from The BBC here: Read More
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